I don't want anybody else, when I think about you...

So...the other night we had a birthday party for three people. It ended up being this Mexican fiesta with a pinata, pin the tale on the donkey and a keg of PBR (because obviously all Mexican fiestas have a keg of PBR?) Lemme tell you, it was a time. Great fun with great friends. I go into the bathroom with my Solo cup in hand so that I don't loose track of it as I normally would. And as I'm wrapping up I suddenly have this amazing moment outside of myself. Like, I saw myself from outside looking in and inside looking out all at once. This is going to sound wierd, but I started touching my face and arms just to feel what I'm like on the outside and then I looked at myself in the mirror. I realized that this is the same face I've looked at for 26 years and this fact is ABSOLUTELY CRAZY. And it was like, how can I beat myself up so much when this is all I really have? I mean this shell of a thing. And the shell encompasses so much more inside of me, all these inexplainables and experiences and thoughts and actions and memories and dreams. This is it. And I don't think I do it conciously but there are times when I wish for something else. When I want to change this or that. Or I compare to others and I'm not enough of something or good enough for something or I just want more. Don't get me wrong. I think working on ourselves to push through whatever it is that blocks us is important, I've always thought that. But what about satisfaction? Just being in what we were given and accepting that. Its alot harder said than done. I was looking at pictures tonight of myself circa uh 2004 maybe and I can remember then what I wished I was more of and what I wasn't satisfied with. I don't want to be like that anymore. I need to be okay because I probably waste a lot of headspace and energies searching for GKW? (God knows what--learn it love it live it). Anyway no one at the party would've guessed it because after probably 20 minutes of touching myself I straightened up and hit the party again, bouncing around and socializing like nobodies biz. Cheers ya'll. This is me.