Such a joke...
I dont really know that I'm capable of love. Sometimes I straight up DO NOT feel like I love at all. Something is before me and the gap between what it should be and how I really feel is comparable to putting a goldfish in the salty ocean. It doesn't work: it flounders; it spirals; it eventually detaches and it probably dies.
I don't want to be the goldfish that dies in a rich habitat of beauty. It's not what I was created for.
I'm referring to all types of love, but particularly today romantic love. I don't think I know how to do it. My heart feels buried beneath years of the wrong kind of love, experiences of bittersweet, almost-companionship and appreciation, mixed with plain ole selfish motives and actions to feel good about myself, as well as times of truly respecting and loving a couple of amazing individuals who did not return the admiration, all resulting in lost innocence, a frozen heart and an unspoken, quiet fear that I will remain as this: the girl that doesn't know how to love and can't be loved.
I guess its not so unspoken anymore.
Bloc Party "Kreuzberg"
There is a wall that runs right through me
Just like this city I will never be joined
What is this love? Why can I never hold it?
Did it really run out? In those strangers bedrooms
I have decided at 25
That something must change
Saturday night, in East Berlin
We took the U-Bahn to the east side gallery
I was sure that id found love with this one lying with me
Crying again in the Hauptbahnhof
I have decided at 25
That something must change
After sex the bitter taste
Been fooled again, the search continues
Concerned mothers of the west,
Teach your sons, how to truly love.
I don't want to be the goldfish that dies in a rich habitat of beauty. It's not what I was created for.
I'm referring to all types of love, but particularly today romantic love. I don't think I know how to do it. My heart feels buried beneath years of the wrong kind of love, experiences of bittersweet, almost-companionship and appreciation, mixed with plain ole selfish motives and actions to feel good about myself, as well as times of truly respecting and loving a couple of amazing individuals who did not return the admiration, all resulting in lost innocence, a frozen heart and an unspoken, quiet fear that I will remain as this: the girl that doesn't know how to love and can't be loved.
I guess its not so unspoken anymore.
Bloc Party "Kreuzberg"
There is a wall that runs right through me
Just like this city I will never be joined
What is this love? Why can I never hold it?
Did it really run out? In those strangers bedrooms
I have decided at 25
That something must change
Saturday night, in East Berlin
We took the U-Bahn to the east side gallery
I was sure that id found love with this one lying with me
Crying again in the Hauptbahnhof
I have decided at 25
That something must change
After sex the bitter taste
Been fooled again, the search continues
Concerned mothers of the west,
Teach your sons, how to truly love.
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